Our week in a nutshell

I thought I would give you the "low-down" as to what our evenings entail. I've attached a couple videos I snapped quickly last week to help demonstrate the "fun"!!! Basically they consist of chasing baby Lo around the house all evening long, trying to keep things out of her mouth and trying to keep her from throwing everything off the table, cabinets, couch, etc. Whooo...this is tough work!!!

This video shows Lola trekking through the house full throttle....on some sort of mission. Of course, I'm never sure what the missions are. I guess if I knew what they were, that would make this parenting thing much easier.

Since Fall has come, all of our leaves are falling which I love, however, with that comes a mess. Anytime we open a door in our house, all the leaves blow in. Lola LOVES them!!! She'll put the leaves in her mouth and is also known to hold them there for 30 minutes or so. Seriously!!! Kind of like a squirrel...maybe she has been taking lessons from the squirrels around our house...there are enough of them that's for sure. Anyway, she'll put one in her mouth when we're not watching and then later (who knows how long) we'll discover something in there and a leaf is usually the culprit. It's pretty funny. You'll see in the video that Lola begins hacking something up....that would be a leaf....this one. He, he!!!

Then, we're also trying to teach Lola the terms "no" or "no, no" or "uh uh" but it's been a challenge. We've found it's a fine line as we want her to explore but we also need to teach her what not to do. Oh, the trials and tribulations of being a parent. Anyway, it is clear in this video that she clearly understands what "no" means but still takes it upon herself to push us on the subject (We'll go into more detail about this in another blog...we think we may have a stubborn/hard-headed little girl on our hands...wonder where she gets this from?). This video cuts off before your able to see the final outcome but here it is in a "nutshell"...she ended up pulling the glass down and spilling water everywhere (i.e. not minding her lovely parents). It's all a work in progress....

Crabmommy

I'm so glad I found this blog...I LOVE IT!!! It makes me laugh out loud all the time and we all need a good laugh once in a while.

Crabmommy has two blogs. I get a kick out of both of them but I have to say the personal blog is my favorite as she tends to be a little more controversial and fiesty. She is a genius when it comes to writing! The way she refers to the "mom-flap" as that "extra chunk of flubber round the midsection brought about by having babies" is great. I specifically LOVE the posting from Friday on Crabmommy's personal blog titled "Blogger Bailout Plan?". Of course, her husband is an architect like Clay so we feel their pain.

I try to read both blogs daily or whenever she posts something new. Check them out.

http://crabmommy.blogspot.com/

http://www.cookiemag.com/magazine/blogs/crabmommy

Could I have done more?

Could I have done more? This is a question we probably all ask ourselves often. Well, I find myself asking this question once again. Why? Well, I think my days of breastfeeding are ending earlier than I had anticipated as I think I may be drying up (a.k.a. running out of milk).

How did I come to this conclusion? It's been pretty obvious over the past couple weeks but after pumping today numerous times and only coming up with about 5 oz of milk it started to become more obvious. This is a BIG sign that my days of breastfeeding may be over soon. I've seen it coming and I keep asking myself "Have I done everything I can to keep my milk production strong?" and "Could I have done more?".

I hate it when I doubt myself like this. I do it often. I've found this self doubt I feel kind of makes me me. But, it's a trait I hold that also drives me wacky. To explain this better let me back up 9 months and 3 days ago.....

The day Lola was born: So, I'll try to make this quick and easy and short if possible, however, that probably isn't possible. In a nut shell, I had high blood pressure going into delivery which put me on bed rest one week before Lola was born. This was my idea of HELL....It was HORRIBLE!!! I have a very hard time staying still for a long period of time. I love my cat naps but I also love blowin' and goin'. Regardless, I was placed on bed rest and had a f/u doctor appt 3 days later....my blood pressure was still no better...it was actually worse. Went back on bed rest and had another f/u appt 3 days later again....blood pressure was up even higher. My doctor had no choice...it was time to have the baby (I say baby b/c Lola didn't have a name at this point)...EARLY!!!

At that point, I was induced. This was on 2/5/08 at 8:00 p.m. I went through the night with contractions (manageable). I went through the following morning with contractions (manageable again). I wasn't dilating and other than mild contractions nothing was happening. Finally at around 2:00 p.m. The doctor gave me a choice which was either 1) Go ahead and deliver the baby now via c-section OR 2) Go home, remain on bed rest and play the waiting game. I was always dead set against a c-section unless it was completely necessary so as hard as it would be, Clay and I decided we would take option #2 and go home and wait. THEN within minutes it happened....my water broke....Woohoo!!! So, there was no going home. This was around 2:30 or 3:00 p.m.

Again, trying to make a long story short...quickly contractions became unbearable. I went from a 1 to a 10 dilation within an hour. The baby was ready to come, they could see her head and all. By 7:00 p.m., I was in "hard-core" labor. I pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed....nothing happened. Keep in mind during all of this, the epidural wasn't really working...rather than taking away the pain, it just made me throw up aggressively...dry-heaving and all. I like to call it throwing up "Texas Tech style" (Mom, don't be alarmed by this comment...that was wellover 10 years ago and I was young & naive...we all have to learn by our own mistakes). At around midnight, Dr Farrow did the suction cup which I hated. Lola still didn't want to come. Finally, 30 hours after I was induced and 12 hours of "official" labor and 5 hours of pushing, I had to have an emergency c-section. It was a long hard fight but around 1:30 a.m. on 2/7/08 Lola Ruth was finally born! HOLA LOLA!!!

The point of this story...after all was said and done, I found myself asking after the delivery "Could I have done more?" to avoid a c-section. Not that it really matters much at this point but I continue to eat myself up over it. This one question has a tendency to drive me insane.

Anytime I do anything, I feel like I give it my all in the process but then if it doesn't end the way I had planned/imagine, I always question myself when it's done. I guess you could call this hard headiness or stubbornness but you could also call it drive....depending on which way you want to spin it....positive or negative take. I'm not sure but it brings me back to where I am today. Here we are 9 months and 3 days after the deliver of Lola and as I have continued to breastfeed through all the struggles and road blocks, I've been proud of myself that I've stuck with it. But now that the day has come where I might have to end early (prior to 12 months), I'm questioning my effort.

For now, I'll continue to give it my all. I'll go until 12 months or until I can't get 1 oz of milk (this would be the hard headiness/drive I referred to earlier). Clay asked yesterday...."Is it worth it?" The answer for me is "YES". I don't want to give up this fight b/c if I do then I'll ask myself that same question and continue to wonder "Could I have done more?"

Our little dragonfly

Lola had her first Halloween and she was a little dragonfly. How cute does she look! Unfortunately, I wasn't able to snap the "perfect" pic that I had imagined b/c Lola was a little tired but she still looked adorable. We sat outside and waited for the trick-or-treaters and then it was time for Lola's bedtime. Nothing too adventurous....maybe next year she'll understand the occasion more and it will be a little more exciting.

So, this week has been crazy. I jumped on a plane Monday to Denver for a meeting and flew back last night. I was so anxious to get home to see Lola. Of course, when I got home, she was already asleep. It seems like her bedtime has gradually gone from 8:30 pm to 8:00 pm to 7:30 pm and now it's basically 7:00 pm. Makes me so sad that she hits the sack so early now.

Anyway, usually I would give anything for Lola to sleep through the night but last night was different. I was hoping she would wake up so I could go spend time with her. Even though I was only gone for one night, I missed her so much. Well, of course when I want her to wake up, she doesn't. But, at 4:30 am she started making some noises so I jumped up quickly and ran into the nursery. She wasn't awake yet but was only moaning in her sleep. I couldn't resist anymore so I picked her up and held her and then brought her to bed with us. Oops!!! That's a parent " no no" but I did it anyway.

I was also able to spend some time with Lo this morning before I realized my flight to Atlanta left at 10:45 am which was a hour earlier than I had thought. It was 8:21 am and I went in panic mode as I hadn't gotten all of Lola's stuff together for school, I hadn't showered, I hadn't pumped, I hadn't unpacked and packed again and I still had to drop Lola off at school...I needed to do all of this and be out the door to the airport within 30 minutes. Yikes!!! So, to make a long story short....I pulled it off and made it on the plane just in time for take off (I even encountered traffic on the way). I'm now in my hotel trying to wind down from a long day. I have a early morning meeting and then I head home.

Oh, I sure can't wait to have a long relaxing weekend with Lola!!!