July 29, 2011

An "I'm a terrible mother" moment...

Luckily, I haven't had one of these moments in a while. A point where something happens and I think "Am I a terrible mother?". Well, yesterday, unfortunately, I had one of those moments...

It's been an absolute hell of a week with work. I've been beyond buried with deadlines. Deadlines that I wasn't sure and I'm still not sure I'll get done. Yesterday was a big day to really make some headway so I could leave today to tie up some of the final edits to get a report out to a client. Then it happened! My phone rang and Nursery popped up. I knew it was about Gaines as he had been running a slight fever earlier that morning (I blamed the fever on a new tooth, pumped some Motrin into the baby boy and sent him off to school). As I was cranking along finally making some good progress on my report, the first thought that went through my head was "Maybe I just don't answer it". Then I quickly realized this is absolutely not the right thing to do. So I answered. And, yes, Gainesy was running a high fever and they asked me to come pick him up.

Oh hell! I went into complete panic mode. The first thought that popped in my head was "If I leave now, there is no way I'll have enough hours to get this report done". What do I do??? I have so much work to do and this is setting me back. What do I do??? I couldn't call Clay because he too had a huge deadline and took one for the team Wednesday night to let me work. What do I do??? Seriously, what do I do??? I thought maybe I'll just work for another 45 minutes and then go grab him. Then it hit me...."OMG...Am I a terrible mother or what?!?!?!?!?". Here I am choosing work over my sick child. This is horrible. Why would I ever consider doing this and then I had this thought...

I stopped what I was doing immediately! I sent an instant message to a work colleague and did something I've never done before...ever....I asked for help! As I was asking for help, I was apologizing profusely and telling her how much I appreciate her helping me under the circumstances. Her comment to me was...

Amy: Thanks so much for your help. I really can't thank you enough.
Work friend: No problem. And by the way, baby first, job second. I'm here to help. I don't have any babies except Homer and he's a dog so it doesn't count
Amy: I know...it's so bad that automatically I feel the need to deal with the job. He's in really good hands up there though.
Work friend: I know. I also understand. Our job can eat us up sometimes.

So, with the help of a work friend, I put my baby boy first (which I should instinctively do right?!?!?) and went to pick him up. When I got home, I put Gaines in the baby swing (which he's way too big for BTW) in hopes that he would be content and let me work for a bit. I couldn't believe I was still doing it...choosing work...but I had so much to get done. Then, once again, I had another "I'm a terrible mother" moment. I immediately stopped what I was doing and gave my full attention to Gaines for the rest of the afternoon.

Later that day, after having all these "I'm a terrible mother" moments, I loved that I received this email from my sweet aunt.

I luv ur blog. U need to be a "writer".... I so wish I could take a "bite" out of G & L cheeks... They are adorable... I do mean this... u r great parents.. U and Clay are definite "soul mates"; u both are so talented and keep the challenges going... Luv u both, Your aunt in Plano.

Perfect timing Linda. Thanks for the message! I needed it yesterday more than any other day.

Ok. Off to get this big deadline done (Will I get it done???). Hope yall all have a fab weekend!!! Toodaloo!

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