I just need my contacts please....

For days now I've been trying to find the time to pick up my contacts. I'm sure yall are thinking "Find the time??? You're at home on maternity leave. You should have all the time in the world". Yea I know! Those are also my thoughts exactly. But, for some reason, I have absolutely no time on my hands. What in the world?!?!? All I wanted to do today was picking up my contacts. I was able to accomplish this but didn't make it happen without a stop on a downtown curb to appease a screaming hungry baby boy. I documented the moment and find this picture is a great explanation of my life right now. Craziness! I love love love to blow and go. I also love love love to sleep. But it seems the more children I have the less I'm able to do these fabulous things. I really don't understand where time goes. Here's how my day has gone today.

12:50 a.m. - Gaines woke - feed and pump

1:50 a.m. - Gaines still bright eyed and bushy tailed and won't go back to sleep

2:15 a.m. - Scream out a random cuss word to make sure Clay is aware I'm still awake

2:30 a.m. - I gave up and put Gaines on my chest to sleep (Something I said I would never do...whatever!)

3:00 a.m. - Lola comes into our bed (nightly routine)

4:30 a.m - Gaines wakes again - feed and pump

5:05 a.m. - Sleep (FINALLY)

6:45 a.m. - Alarm goes off. Time to get up to get Lola ready for school and me ready for doctor appt.

7:50 a.m. - Feed and pump

8:20 a.m - Out the door

8:35 a.m. - Drop Lola off at school

9:00 a.m. - Doctor appt.

10:55 a.m. - Leaving doctor

11:20 a.m. - Home again - Feed and pump

12:20 p.m. - Ingested a lean cuisine (Yummy! Not really but all I have time for)

12:30 p.m. - Out the door to run errands which includes picking up contacts

2:00 p.m. - On curb downtown feeding Gaines

2:30 p.m. - Finally able to pick up contacts

2:50 p.m. - Home - pump

3:20 p.m. - Leave house again to head to grocery store. Didn't make it to the store as I ran into neighbors and talked to them for 30 minutes.

4:25 p.m. - Pick up Lola

5:00 p.m. - Home again. Put Lola on big girl potty, jump in stroller and head to Amy's Ice Cream. We needed a treat! I documented us sitting on sidewalk eating our ice cream.

6:00 p.m. - Home again. Feed and pump

7:15 p.m. - Lola getting tired. We start getting ready for bed and I realize no leche. I knew there was a reason I needed to get to grocery store today. Ran out to gas station to get leche.

7:30 p.m. - Read books to Lo

7:45 p.m. - Put Lo to bed

7:53 p.m - Head back downstairs for more leche

8:40 p.m. - Finally get baby girl to sleep

Now, I sit here pumping while I write this blog. I wonder what the evening will bring??? More pumping and feeding I assume! This is why I consider myself a human milk machine. Ironically I feel more like a cow due to the lack of weight loss and the flab/mush all over (another blog in it's own self). Seriously...this is my day! Notice I didn't really get anything done. Also notice no naps in there. Gaines is not much of a sleeper (again, we'll have to talk more about this in a future blog). Now, it's about time to go to bed (I purposely use the word "bed" vs. "sleep" as I don't really get that) and start the whole thing over again. I don't understand.... Why in the world is this the only thint my days consist of?!?!?!? Before I continue my complaining, I'm here to let you know I realize I'm on maternity leave and my main focus should be Gaines and Gaines only but I'm selfish and I need to do some things for myself in order to keep my sanity. Of course, lately I haven't been able to squeeze in anything for myself. Oh what I would give for a pedicure, or a child free happy hour or a child free yoga class or even enjoying an adult beverage at home without having to worry about when I have to pump next. I'm tired of looking at the dang clock. This is the point where I look forward to going back to work so I can have some adult time (again selfish I know). However, I'm not looking forward to returning this time as I work from home and I'm tired of being inside this house. Kind of crazy that I would love to have an office to return to but I don't so I'll have to find other ways to have that lovely "adult" time that I'm craving so much. The saga continues.....

I actually have some good/fun things to post but just haven't had time to get to that...bad I know. I hate that I'm constantly using the term "don't have time"....so cliche... Ugh! But really...I tried all day yesterday to write Thank You cards. I was able to get the cards out and to the coffee table but never got them written. I'm actually not as crabby as I seem....this is just my reality right now! Toodles!

Existential Crisis

I realize I've disappeared off the blogosphere the past couple weeks. I've been going through what Clay calls an existential crisis which basically means I hit a point where I question life and what it's all about. A little dramatic I know but oh how different this is from having a first child. The challenges are totally different. Some days I think I have it figured out and some days I wonder if I'll ever be able to pull it together. I wake up every morning and hope for a good day but never know exactly what I'll get....it's pretty much a toss up. Over the past week or so I've felt things all the sudden spinning out of control and I hit rock bottom yesterday. I suddenly came to the conclusion that I wasn't meant to be a parent and something in my life just wasn't right...I wanted to run away from it all!

What got me here? Good question! I can't really pinpoint it exactly but I've recognized a lot of my problem is my patience or lack of. Some days I can handle any and everything that comes my way and others I break down at every little thing. I have those days when I feel I'm failing in all areas....failure as a parent, failure as a wife, failure as a dog owner, failure as an employee, failure as a friend, etc. I look around my house only to see a screaming toddler, screaming baby and a house that looks like a tornado hit it. It's at this point when I can either take it and move on OR I just break down in tears. I hate the days that bring tears.

The past few weeks have consisted of full on chaos! I'm sure some of it is self-inflicted but sometimes I have a hard time keeping it together. I think my hormones are still a little out of whack which could be part of the problem. For example last Tuesday I realized I forgot to add Gaines to my insurance within 30 days which meant we not only had no coverage for him but we would be stuck with all the hospital bills (NICU bills at that...OUCH!). This started the week out just perfectly and was probably the beginnings of the existential crisis.

I also really haven't been able to deal with Lola's whining and/or fits lately. They literally drive me INSANE! One day I lost it and sternly told her to "Shut up". How horrible is that?!?!?!? She immediately got a puffy lip and started crying. It really hurt her feelings which made me feel sick to my stomach. This was one of those "I'm a terrible mother" moments where I felt like I was completely failing as a parent. In addition to this terrible moment, another day last week, I realized all I had done all afternoon was scream at Lola. It sounded a little something like this - "No Lola!", "Lola, That's enough!", "Lola, If you do that one more time!", Lola! No!", "Lola, You're going to get a spanking!", "Lola, I've had it!", "No Lola!"...you get the point. She also got about three spankings between the hours of about 4:30 - 6:30. They don't phase her by the way. Unfortunately, not only Lola gets this sort of treatment around here. I also feel like I'm constantly yelling at the dogs to get out of my way. My poor gorgeous girls. Now they too are out of sorts due to all the chaos in this house and are constantly running to hide somewhere to get away from it all. Hell, I don't blame them.

In addition to all of this, I feel like I'm not able to spend enough time with Gaines as I'm constantly having to clean, work or pay attention to Lola so she doesn't get her feelings hurt or get frustrated/jealous and then try to hit, bite or kick him. At this point, I clearly haven't figured out how to manage it all! To make matters worse, the breastfeeding thing isn't going so well. Gaines isn't breastfeeding which means I have to pump vs. breastfeed. This takes a lot of time and energy. At this point, I'm basically a human milk machine and that's it! On top of that, he drinks the bottles too fast causing him to have little stomach issues which means lots of whining, moaning, groaning, growling and grunting. With all the funny noises he makes, sometimes I feel like I gave birth to a 90 year old man vs. a baby.

Here's the most traumatizing part of it all (not really but I'm dramatic at times)... Although I've been trying to eat healthy and consistently exercise, I weighed last week and discovered I've only lost an additional 4 lbs since my last doc visit over a month ago. WHY?? WHY?? WHY?? The weight literally melted off with Lola....not so much with this baby! Oh what an extra 2 1/2 years can do to a person. Much easier to peel off weight at 31 vs. 34. Ugh! And of course, I'm still getting NO sleep which is probably attributing to the lack of weight loss! Last night I was up every hour...pumping and feeding. It was rough! Oh how I would give anything for even a three hour stretch of sleep. That three hours would make me feel like I've died and gone to heaven. All of this translates into me being silent and depressed and not paying any attention to my hubby. Awesome!

So, that's just a brief/quick breakdown of some of the happenings. Believe it or not there's more. If only I had time to get into the detail of all of it. Maybe I will in future blogs but enough of the "woe is me" sob stories right?!?!?!? I hit rock bottom yesterday which had me laid up most of the day on the couch in full on depression mode. Gaines and I just slept all day. This is absolutely not something I would typically do but I didn't have the energy to move. Once I came out of my stupor I decided it was time to make a change. Enough of this!!! I also decided I wasn't going to wait until tomorrow or next week that I was going to make the change immediately....and I did!

I pulled it together, quickly straightened the house and headed out to pick up Lola. When I picked her up I made a commitment to myself that I would not yell or spank her. It's clear this type of discipline is not working for Lo so we have to try something else. I also decided that although it's hot, hot, hot that we need to stay out of the house as it makes everyone stir crazy to be cooped up inside. So, after I picked her up, we came home, jumped in the stroller and all of us walked to the playground for a picnic. I have to say it was so much fun and Lola just LOVED it! After our picnic, Lola played on the playground and I chit-chatted with the other mothers. It was so refreshing! We stayed at the playground until 7:15 and then walked home to get ready for bed. With the "new me", the evening went much more smooth and there were no fits, back talking or screaming on my part. I too loved it and it made me feel like "I can do this". Unfortunately, sometimes it takes an existential crisis to get to this point.

This morning went just as well. Typically I'm at my wits end by the time we're finally walking out the door. Despite the lack of sleep I didn't let myself get to that point. I was patient with Lola and we all got out the door in one piece with no fits, back talking or yelling and we were 30 minutes early. YEA!!! Then Gaines and I went to the lake and did a 3 mile loop. I ran 2 out of the 3 miles which made me very happy. Now here I am...finally able to get a blog written and hopefully posted. I feel things will really come together now and I hope I'll be able to update you on on the good and fun times (like the ones below) too!

Not afraid!!!

I'm not afraid to kick it up a gear. Yesterday I took it upon myself to purchase the Belly Bandit. What is it you may ask? It is "an abdominal compression binder designed to help you get your body back to its former fabulousness post childbirth." Oh yea...I fell for it and purchased it! Does this mean I'm officially insane? If so, do you wonder what in the world drove me to this insanity? Well, several things I guess but it probably boils down to 1) I'm super impatient! I feel my body is not bouncing back into shape as quickly as I would like it to and 2) My secret obsession with the Kardasians. Not secret anymore I guess....

I most likely haven't mentioned my Kardasian obsession in the past as it's not something I'm necessarily proud of but I love love love those girls and all their obnoxiousness. I look forward to their show every week. One of my favorite things to do during down time (if I get it) is to watch marathons of both The Kardasians and Kourtney & Khloe take Miami. Luckily one or the other is on at all times so this is easy to accomplish. This show has taken over my obsession with CSI Miami. Very strange I know but it's true. Now you may wonder how this has anything to do with the Belly Bandit. Well, the oldest sister, Kourtney, just had a baby and has managed to get back a stellar body within weeks/months. She claims she owes part of this to the Belly Bandit so I took it upon myself to give it a shot. Yep, I certainly did....kind of crazy right?!?!??! You want to hear something even more crazy???? I feel like it's already working and my center area has shrunk somewhat since yesterday. I'm sure this is all in my crazy obsessed imagination but I'll take it if it helps my confidence. At this point, I very well may be certifiably insane. You think? If so, I'll attribute this to the postpartum hormones.

My next purchase will likely be the Mother Tucker which is "the ultimate compression tank! You'll be WOWed with how it smoothes and shapes your middle! Mother Tucker™ uses a soft tubular knit, designed with three zones of varying compression.The center section - with the most compression - flattens your tummy, promoting a slimmer silhouette. The 3" anti-roll bottom applies muffinology™ technology to help smooth your "muffin top", while the upper section provides the perfect amount of support; helping to eliminate that squeezed feeling..

Makes me laugh out loud just to type this. Oh, the things they come up with and the people who fall for them ( i.e. ME!).

We're making it!

Well, we're making it! At this point, to be "making it" is a good thing. You know, I have to say I'm a little confused about something! Why is it that no one mentioned the fact that the birth of the second child is not 100% happy happy joy joy but it's actually pretty dang stressful due the fact the first child is in complete disarray???? I'm very perplexed that this wasn't emphasized much more and we weren't given a BIG warning so we could mentally prepare. The most I got was "Lola will be a great big sister". Could someone have at least said "BTW...round two is very challenging and basically sucks!"

We've had to discover on our own that the birth of the second child is very hard due to the fact that you're first child will begin acting out which includes constant uncontrollable inconsolable screaming, major fits, hitting, back talking, throwing things, attempts to attack the baby at any available chance, etc, etc, etc. Now, don't get me wrong...I knew it would be tough BUT this tough....had NO clue! Basically, I'm having a hard time enjoying our new precious little nugget b/c I'm SO concerned about Lola. I have to say at this point she's not taking the birth of her baby brother too well. She loves him and wants to hug and kiss him at one moment and then wants to inflict pain on him in the next moment. HUH!!! I just thought we had challenges in the past. Well, this is nothing compared.

Like all other tough phases, I know we'll work our way through this and hopefully we'll all be in one piece when we do. Of course, right now it feels like we'll never make it through. Last night I found myself calling one of my girlfriends in tears saying "I think we need to send Lola to a child psychologist". I really felt this way. I was very concerned. This was after Lola attempted to go at Gaines with a running slap....TWO TIMES! I mean she was not going in with a gentle/loving slap just to get a little attention but with a full force punch. When I told her "NO" and reprimanded her explaining that she can't hit her baby brother, she looked at me with a smirk and then started kicking and throwing a fit. She had no remorse whatsoever. My friend assured me we don't need a child psychologist but I was seriously concerned considering she was truly trying to inflict pain on Gaines. I not only felt sorry for Gaines for getting a slap but my heart just broke for Lola. Poor thing...it's clear she's in pain right now and is really suffering with this change.

The past few nights Clay and I both do everything we can to hold back the tears b/c we feel so sorry for Lola. The research says to a toddler bringing a new baby home is like your husband bringing home a new wife. They are confused, feel betrayed and their world has been turned upside down. They say to spend "alone" time with the first child and let them know they are still "special" and when the fits start or when they try to hit the baby to "redirect". If I hear or read one more website that only gives the "redirect" advice I may have to scream at the top of my lungs. CAN'T THEY COME UP WITH SOMETHING ELSE!!! I've tried to "redirect"! I've tried it over and over and over and IT'S NOT WORKING!!! Please...give me something else to work with!!! Anyway, needless to say, I'm at my wits end and I want to get through this very hard time ASAP! HELP!!!

Ok...now that I got that out...on to the positive! Baby boy is just adorable and a wonderful baby so far! You wonder if you can ever love anything as much as your first child. Well, I'm happy to announce you can! I love this little guy more than anything. I've had to work over the past week or so but I'm looking forward to our time together over the next three months. I have big plans for us. Here are some updated pics of him.

He's still a tiny little thing. He had dropped down to 5 lbs 15 oz and at his 2 week appt last week he was back up to 6 lbs 6 oz. He was only in the 10-25th percentile...poor thing! Who would have thought Clay and I would ever have a baby in the 10-25th percentile. Even with Lola being born at 37 1/2 weeks, she was still in the 95th percentile. He's eating a ton so I'm confident he'll put on even more weight and before we know it he'll be a big boy!

Speaking of appointments, now to the good stuff. Have I mentioned I can see my ankles?!?!?!? Woohoo!!! I wasn't sure I would ever see those suckers again. At my two week appt last week, I had lost 23 lbs. I'm about 8 lbs away from my weight at my 8 week appt. HOWEVER, if you remember, at that appt, I discovered I had put on 15 lbs. That means I'm 23 lbs away from my pre-holiday weight. In addition, even at my pre-holiday weight, I was still 10 lbs from my goal weight so that means I'm about 35 lbs from my end goal weight. I'm confident I'll get there over the next couple months but will have to work hard.

Now, you would think since I've lost 23 lbs that I would look absolutely smashing right?!?!?!? Well, not so much! I look like I just had a baby 3 weeks ago (i.e. I look like I need to lose 35 lbs) and I'm a bit mushy. The doctor released me to start walking and working myself back into an exercise routine. This week we'll start with a gentle walk and try to jog a few blocks and then go from there. This morning Gaines and I went on our first walk. We didn't go far but it was a start. We went down to the local 7-11 so I could get a soda. So, although I was trying to work off some calories, I'm assuming I put those calories right back on with the purchase of the Big Gulp... nice!!! Anyway, I'm ready to start hard-core exercising and hope to get this bod back asap. We're heading to South Padre for a get-a-way in mid-October so I'm hoping I can be in bathing suit shape by then. Not likely considering I have a puffy belly that needs LOTS of work and a sweet tooth that puts my pregnancy sweet tooth to shame which I've been satisfying but it's always good to set goals for yourself....unrealistic ones at that. With that, I have to say, it's VERY nice to wake up and be shrinking vs expanding! Lets just hope I can keep things moving that way. As usual, I'll keep yall posted!

Finally, I want to leave yall with a pic of Lola. I've always begged Lo to smile for pics but she never gives me the big beautiful smile I ask for! She refuses for some reason (hard-headed much???). Even with her refusal, I still continue to ask. Now, when I ask for a big "CHEESE!!!", this is the face she'll give me. I guess it's better than nothing and you could say we're making some progress toward a potential future smile in pics...you think????

Off to feed the baby boy now...

He has arrived!!!

My last post was on Monday, 8/2 and my only comment was "4 weeks and counting". Little did I know it was actually only a day and a half and counting. CRAZINESS! Oh goodness...where do I even begin?!?!?!? Needless to say, it's been a wild ride the past two weeks. We've had our ups and we've had our downs. I imagine we'll continue to be on this roller coaster ride for a while. But, lets start with the best part....the birth of the baby boy - Gaines Foy Odom!


It was last Tuesday evening at about 9:30 pm. I had finally gotten Lola to sleep and I was SO excited to sit down to watch the kick off of the new season of one of my fav show - Rachael Zoe. It had been one of those "bad" pregnancy days so I was just exhausted. Right when I sat down I knew something wasn't right. I ran to the bathroom and it happened...my water broke! All I could think was "Couldn't this have waited until after Rachael Zoe?". I called Clay and said very calmly "I think my water broke". He insisted that it hadn't broke. I think he may have been in denial at this point. We sat around and contemplated it for about 15 minutes or so, watched a little more Rachael Zoe and then decided we better call the doctor. We also called our friends Kristen & Kevin with the news. It's always great to start a phone conversation with "Hey, what's up. I think my water broke. Can you come over?" Anyway, they rushed over to keep Lo just in case the doctor directed us to head to the hospital. As expected, we were directed to head to the hospital immediately.


When we got to the hospital, it was confirmed that my water had broke. 5 WEEKS EARLY...YIKES! I was starting to have contractions. At this point, I knew the baby was coming within hours and I was now going into panic mode. Is it too early? Will he be ok? Do I want to have a c-section? Or should I go with the VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean)? I bursted out into tears. It was all too sudden. I didn't feel I was capable of making all these decisions so quickly. Clay was able to calm me and we decided to go with the c-section. Before I knew it my doctor had arrived and they wisped me off to the "surgery" room.


Now, I have to say this was a very creepy feeling. The last and only surgery I've ever had was my c-section with Lola. This was after 30 hours of labor so I was basically out of it by the time the surgery took place. This time, I was all there and I didn't like it one bit. It was horrible!!! I could see the strange instruments sitting on the side table. The ones they would soon use to cut me open. I could clearly hear everyone preparing to take the baby. I could feel my legs slowly going numb. I started to become very nauseous. It was all one of the worst experiences I've ever had. I would have much rather been completely out of it. They finally let Clay come in and I was trying to remain as calm as I could knowing I was about to go under the knife....EEK! I have to say...not so easy!


The surgery didn't go as quickly as I remembered with Lola. The baby had already dropped quite a bit making it more difficult for the doctor to get him out. To make matters worse, there was also some excess scar tissue that was apparently causing some trouble. In order to avoid more cutting into the muscles than necessary, the doctor had to use a suction cup to help get him out. At one point the doctor said "Are you ready to have a baby?" and then I felt a big push of my belly and nothing happened. Clay and I looked at each other with fright. Was the baby ok? We didn't hear crying? No talking? What in the world is going on? Then I felt another few pushes on my stomach....nothing! I was now officially in panic mode and then I heard some laughter. Whoo! I thought surely they wouldn't be laughing if something was wrong with him right?!?!? Then finally there was the cry I had been longing for. Gaines Foy Odom had officially arrived on 8/4 at 12:29 a.m. He was 6 lbs 7 oz and 20 1/2" long.


Poor thing was all bruised up. Although I had a c-section, he basically went through the same amount of trauma as a baby being delivered naturally. They immediately sent him off to be checked out and Clay went off with him. I went to recovery where I became very sick and started aggressively throwing up. This would last at least another 12 hours. UGH! It was miserable to say the least! I kept thinking they would bring Gaines in at any moment so I could see him but unfortunately this wasn't the case. He had some respiratory problems causing him to be admitted to the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). He would spend the next 5 days there. I did not get to see him until the next morning around 10:00 a.m. and didn't get to hold him until the following afternoon. It was so hard to see him there with all the cords hooked up to him and monitors beeping. I felt for him so much. I kept telling him it would get a lot better soon. I was hoping I was telling the truth. After about 48 hours, he started doing really well. He was taken off the respirator and was able to eat. Everything gradually started getting better and then he was FINALLY discharged to come home Sunday night 8/8 at about 9:00 p.m. We could not wait to get him home!


Since we've been home we've had our challenges. Lola loves her baby brother more than anything but there have definitely been some moments of jealousy, confusion, hurt, etc. There has also been some hitting and kicking. I know her reaction is very natural and we just have to be patient as she works through this change. Right now, my heart aches for her more than anything as I know her little life has been turned upside down. Clay and I are trying to spend alone time with her whenever we can and also do everything we can to let her know she is still the light of our lives. It's been tough but it's starting to get better. I hope with each day and week it will get even easier.

4 weeks and counting!

Enough said for today...

As of tomorrow, I have less than a month to go. YEA!!!

Out of breath...AGAIN!

I've been having major breathing problems lately. I just put on a pair of freshly washed jeans and it was a struggle like no other. It put me completely out of breath. I even started feeling a little light headed and thought I could possibly faint due to the lack of breath. This is coming from someone who 10 months ago could run 8 miles in Austin with major hills. Now, I don't even have the endurance to pull up super tight maternity jeans. Awesome! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?!?!?!?! At this point, I'm not sure how I'm going to get the jeans off. I think that will be just as challenging as pulling them up. Oh, and my circulation is being cut off...in maternity jeans! How does that happen considering there is an elastic band in the waist???? This just keeps getting better and better! Only 4 weeks and 2 days to go....

Clay took this pic of Lo playing on our front porch last weekend after the rain storm. I loved it for some reason! I think it may be the big blue eyes.

Lola has been really good lately. She still comes in our room every night but I've decided not to worry about it. I think it will all work out and I don't want to force anything right now. The more and more I talk to other parents, it seems they have and/or had the same problem with their toddler(s) at one point. My brother was the same way...never really slept and always went to my parents room in the middle of the night. The other day I asked my dad how old Adam was when he finally stopped waking up to come to their room. His comment was "We decided we should put a stop to it when he started shaving." I cracked up! That is a little over-exaggeration (I picked this trait up from my dad) but he did go into their room until he was like 8 yrs old I think. Anyway, this is just one of those things I'm hoping will work its way out and I really hope it's long before Lola is 8 yrs old. Yikes!

We're also doing a good job working through the whiny moments. Even when Lo starts to whine, I can say "Lola, I can't hear you when you whine" and she'll immediately change her tone and ask again politely. She'll usually even give me a "Please" at the end of the request. I'm glad she's finally getting the NO Whining Rule!

Lola also still seems super excited about the baby. Of course, she doesn't clearly understand what is about to happen but she's always asking about him and wants to touch my belly. She tells everyone "Baby brother will be here three August." I continue to correct her and clarify that it's August 30th but she insist on saying "three August"....that's ok....I'll take any date in August. AND, we still don't have names. We continue to talk about it but haven't quite come up with anything to put on a short list. Not real sure what to do about that...should be interesting what we end up coming up with!

Clay and I are having a "date night" tonight. I really hate using that term but I figure it's the best way to explain the evening ahead of us. After this pregnancy, I'm surprised Clay still wants to spend a night out with me alone but I guess he still loves me through it all. We actually need to make a point to get out for "alone time" more often. Especially after the baby gets here. Tonight, I'm going to attempt to slip off the ol' flip flops and will try to wear a pair of heels. This should be interesting! Will let you know how it all turns out. I figure I'll either fall and break some bone and/or have to have the shoes surgically removed from my feet due to the mass amount of swelling that will take place throughout the evening. Either way, I end up in the ER. Anyway, prior to going to the ER, our plan to have a nice peaceful child-free dinner and then we'll go see one of our favorite bands Iron & Wine. I certainly do wish I could enjoy the evening with an adult beverage:) Soon!

Run Like A Mother

I'm sure I mentioned one of the reasons (among many) this pregnancy has been hard on me is that I had to give up one of my passions in life - running. Those of you that have followed the blog from the beginning know that I discovered running after I had Lola as I was looking for a way to get in shape. Before this point, I hadn't run since my last soccer game in 1994. When Lola was about 3 months old, I joined a running group and started training for a half marathon. Ever since I've developed a love for running. Very strange I know...something 3 years ago I never thought would come out my mouth.

With that, I've missed running more than words can explain and I'm biting at the bit to get back to it as soon as the baby is born. Not only to help me get back in shape but to help my stress level. Running was always GREAT for my anxiety and also helped my obsessive-compulsive disorder. However, after this pregnancy, I've been nervous that I've fallen so far out of shape that getting back into running will be tough. I've often doubted myself too thinking I won't ever be able to run like I did before and possibly will never really be able to do it again. It's not only a physical commitment but it's a mental commitment and I feel I've lost a lot of my spirit throughout this pregnancy. Anyway, I was thrilled when I found this book "Run Like A Mother". They also have an excellent blog - http://runlikeamotherbook.com/. The book and blog have helped me find the inspiration I need to get back into running. I can't wait for the day when my body will allow. I'll be ready to rock! Here's a good description of the book I found on Amazon. So excited!

In Run Like a Mother, authors Dimity McDowell and Sarah Bowen Shea offer both inspirational advice and practical strategies to help multitasking women make running part of their busy lives.

McDowell and Shea understand the various external and internal forces in everyday life that can unintentionally keep a wife--mother--working woman from lacing up her shoes and going for a run. Because the authors are multihyphenates themselves, Run Like a Mother is driven by their own running expertise and real-world experience in ensuring that running is part of their lives.

More than a book, Run Like a Mother is essentially a down-to-earth, encouraging conversation with the reader on all things running, with the overall goal of strengthening a woman's inner athlete.

Of course, real achievement is a healthy mix of inspiration and perspiration, which is why the authors have grounded Run Like a Mother in a host of practical tips on shoes, training, racing, nutrition, and injuries, all designed to help women balance running with their professional and personal lives.

5 weeks and counting....

Just when I think it can't get worse...

Just when I think it can't get worse, IT DOES!

As you know, I have my good days and bad days but as I continue through this pregnancy the "good" days are far and few in between. As I've said over and over, I just don't feel good and I'm huge which doesn't help the matter at all. The worst part is that I continue to expand despite my efforts to eat reasonably well and get out to exercise when my bod allows. Anyway, I figure my time as a pregnant woman is winding up so I can just continue to tough it out. However, yesterday morning I woke up and things had worsened drastically. How in the world??? Literally, just when I think it can't get worse....

I couldn't sleep so I decided to just get up and try to get some work done. This was around 4:30 a.m. When I got up, I discovered my feet were so swollen that they were actually blue. YES...BLUE...not kidding! It was a REALLY bad day. It was a bit shocking I have to say. Basically I could barely walk. The swelling continued throughout the day. I tried to take a walk around the block to get circulation moving but it didn't work. I finally called the doc and she said to relax and elevate my feet. I did and it helped but I'm still massively swollen and now I no longer have knees or ankles...I have cankles. Do you know what cankles are?

This is a cankle!

Trust me...this image doesn't catch the true overwhelmingly scary sight of the cankle but I tried to give you an idea. Just in case you don't clearly understand what a cankle is, here is the definition from Urban Dictionary:

Noun. A sight common among the morbidly obese. The point at which one is so obese that there is no thinning of the leg between the calf and the ankle, which creates a sense of fusion between the two. Consequently "Cankle" comes from the fusion of CAlf and aNKLE.
Good god look at the cankles on that fat lady!

Yep...this is the definition of my ankles or cankles. And, my knees/legs are doing the same thing. There is no knee to be seen. OMG. This is HORRIBLE! 5 weeks 2 days and counting......

6 weeks 4 days and counting...

Throughout this pregnancy I've often wondered how I'll adjust again to the lack of sleep once the baby comes. With Lola, it was never a big issue. I was never really miserable with the lack of sleep. I guess my motherly instinct kicked in and we just made it work. Strange huh?!?!? But even with that, you never know if it will be as easy the second time. Well, over the past week or so, this has been put to the test again. Lola is literally waking up about every 2-3 hours and making a fuss. I told Clay the other night...."Hell, we may as well have an infant with this type sleep."

The night before last she started waking up as early at 11:30 p.m. When she came in the first time I was DEAD asleep. It hurt so bad when she woke us....very painful! Before we had gone to bed that night, Clay and I decided if Lo came in we would start taking her back to her room rather than putting her in our bed hoping to put a stop to this. So, when she came in at 11:30, we trotted her back to her room and got her back to sleep peacefully. We then fell back to sleep and at about 12:15 a.m., here she comes again. Oh Goodness! Luckily, it didn't hurt as bad this time. So, we trotted her back to her room once again, put her to sleep and then we were back to peaceful sleep. I woke up around 2:00 a.m. as my bladder was demanding to be emptied. I got up, looked over and there was Lola...in our bed! How in the world did this happen???? I didn't hear her come back in. Since she was already there sleeping soI just left her. The next morning I asked Clay when Lo came into our room. He said he had no clue as he didn't hear her either. Apparently, that little squirt figured out that if she woke us we would put her back in the big girl bed so she snuck up there on her own at one point in the night. Unbelievable!

Last night was no better. She was up about every 3 hours....screaming no less! Again, may as well be an infant. I'm telling you...she is hell on wheels when she's sleepy. I have to admit, she comes by this honestly (although, I've been much better lately). She also demands the strangest things. Like last night she demanded to tinkle on the "big girl potty" at 3:oo a.m. vs her diaper... SERIOUSLY!!! The only time I'm fine with her going in her pants, she demands to go on the big girl potty...what's that all about?!?!?! It's called manipulation I think. I told her it was fine to tinkle in her diaper at night. I know I shouldn't do this but you have to understand she doesn't really want to tinkle on the big girl potty, she just wants to be a little toot. Again, I think they call this manipulation...right?!?!?! Really, during these times, she'll come up with and say anything just to get a reaction out of us....it always works of course. Anyway, when I told her I was too tired and she could tinkle in her diaper she said "NO! Diapers aren't forever." I knew this term would come back to bite us at one point....Well, it did last night....off to the big girl potty we went. At one point I said to Clay "Ummm...we better get this under control within the next 6 weeks or else we're going to have an issue!" What in the world will we do with a screaming toddler waking up every 2 - 3 hours and a screaming infant waking up every 2-3 hours???? Plus, they'll obviously wake each other up causing what I can only assume would be major chaos. YIKES!

In addition to this, I'm not sure if I've mentioned it but we're also having a HORRIBLE time getting Lo to go to bed at night. It takes at least an hour and consist of lots of yelling "Lola, NO...lay down...it's quite time...time to go to sleep"....."Lola, Lay down now or I'm going down stairs....it's time to go night night NOW."...."Lola I MEAN IT...if you don't lay down and go to sleep NOW then you're in trouble." OH MAN!!! Lets go back just 2 - 3 weeks ago....we would take Lo up to bed every night at the same time, give her a kiss and be off....you wouldn't hear another peep out of her. Not anymore! So, take that and then the fact that she doesn't stay in her room throughout the night and we have issues. I've read all the books which unfortunately were NO HELP!!! We already doing everything they're suggesting. At this point, I have no clue. As usual, I hope it's a phase she'll grow out of. Obviously she'll eventually grow out of it but the only difference with this phase is we need it to happen sooner rather than later. The pressure is on! HELP!!!

Now to the pregnancy....oh the lovely pregnancy...UGH!!! Well, with the lack of sleep, I can't make my 6:00 a.m. workouts anymore. It's just impossible to do that, work all day and then try to survive the evenings. I've found it gets hot very quick in the mornings causing there to be no other time during the day to exercise. So, my exercise has been limited lately to say the least. With this, comes guilt and even more fear than usual to jump on the scale. My next appt is tomorrow...I'm a nervous wreck! Anyhow, you know I've mentioned in past blogs that I'm scared to wake up to look at myself anymore as things seem to continually get worse on a daily basis. I'm really not kidding about this. For example, Tuesday, at the eye doctor, they put me in a chair that faced a huge mirror as big as the wall. I had no choice but to stare at myself...NIGHTMARE!!! During this stare off, I discovered that my boobs and stomach are now one. Yea...you basically can't tell the difference between them. NOT a cute look. Then yesterday morning, I was getting ready and I discovered love handles. AWESOME! How does one manage to have love handles when that area is being stretched very tightly by a huge baby???? THEN, last night I discovered a new stretch mark. I showed Clay and he ever so nicely responded by saying "I don't see what you're talking about." Ha...I know he could clearly see it. I guess this is the appropriate hubby response...deny all things including having the ability to see a crater size indention in your wife's belly. Is this a natural trait husbands have or do they read up on how to respond to a crazy pregnant wife???? THEN, this morning when I was putting on my shorts and tank to go for a "workout" (I use this term lightly b/c I can't move real well so you can hardly call the exercise I get these days a "workout") I discovered back fat! Just in case you don't know...love handles + back fat = muffin top. Again...NOT a pretty look. Oh gosh...what am I going to do?!?!?!?!? Why oh why is this happening to me?!?!?!? Only 6 weeks and 4 days to go...how much worse can it really get....really????????????

6 weeks 6 days and counting...

The weekend is over and now I'm one more week closer to the delivery date. 7 weeks from today I hope to be holding a baby in my arms. I can make it!

Over the weekend I continued to get ready for the baby which consisted of lots of cleaning out and organizing. I think they call this the "nesting" phase. All pregnant women go through it I believe. I'm already obsessive compulsive so throw in this so called "nesting" phase and it makes for a crazy women frantically running around the house. On Sunday, Clay "claimed" he had to go to the office to work all day. I wonder if he really had to work or if he was desperate to get a break from my crazy "nesting" phase???? Think about it...I'm sure he would much rather be at the office in the A/C even if he is working vs cleaning out the back house in 100 degree temperatures. I think I would go with Option A too if I had the choice.

During my craziness, I cleaned out all the kitchen cabinets which included the Tupperware cabinet. Now all of our lids match to a container. Woohoo! I also cleaned out the cabinet with all the bottles, sippy cups, etc. I threw out two bags full of bottles and sippy cups that we'll never use again. Now I know how many bottles we have and how many we need. I also have so much furniture and junk I want to clear out of this house. In order to get to this point, we need to get the back house cleared out. We (I) made additional headway there over the weekend too. I have sent bags and bags and bags of stuff to Goodwill. Literally, just about every morning I load my car up with more stuff to haul to Goodwill. Looking forward to that big tax credit this year:) I've also started sending furniture too. I'm not messing around! At the rate I'm going, before you know it, our house will be blank. Surely Clay will shake some sense into me before we get to that point?!?!?!

I actually don't understand how I continue to clean/haul stuff out of the house but then find more. Believe it or not, things are still a disaster around here. It's never ending!!! I also went through all the bins full of baby stuff. I sent most of Lo's old baby clothes to Goodwill. Maybe I've come to the realization that after this horrid pregnancy I can't do this again so I'm probably not having another girl. When cleaning out the bins, I pulled out all the baby "necessities" we'll be using over the next 6 months. I'm actually surprised that most of it has made it through the move and storage. Lola has LOVED going through all the baby stuff. She's constantly asking "Is this for baby brother?" She demanded that we bring all of it in the house rather than storing it in back for a couple more weeks. I would have preferred storing it a little longer of course, but we hauled the stuff in, got it all cleaned up and Lola was ready to play with it.

Her favorite was the baby rocker. She kept asking us to buckle her up in and rock her while she drank her sippy cup. She actually requested a bottle but I nixed that quickly...we don't need to regress here. When we first put her in it, I couldn't believe that just over 2 yrs ago she was a little nugget in this thing. Now all her limbs are billowing out of it. Unbelievable! I was able to pull a picture from when Lo was just born in the rocker. Can you believe the difference. Where does time go????

Only a few weeks old....Look at this little baby girl...too sweet! She was a near perfect infant.

Today...little Miss Sassy. Not such a perfect toddler but I wouldn't take her any other way!

Lola also loved the baby bath. At one point, she asked me to fill the bath with water so she could bathe her babies so I did. Next thing I know she had stripped off all her clothes and was sitting in the baby bath playing....right in the middle of the living room. It was so cute but it also made me a little sad for her. She's not our baby anymore but yet she still wants to be baby at times. Is she ready for this??? Does she know what's coming???? It made me realize that although she's walking, talking, feeds herself, plays on her own, etc she's still only 2 yrs old and sometimes we may get ahead of ourselves in trying to set boundaries, etc. Seeing her sit there in the baby bath made me feel like maybe we're too hard on her at times... she is still our baby.

Her other favorite toy was the play mat which I'm actually replacing. Bella also loved the play mat and laid on it all day Sunday. When it was time for bed, Lola fought Bella for that mat. She then took it upstairs to bed with her, covered up with it and said "I love my magical blanket". You gotta love a child's imagination....there's nothing better. I guess I can't get rid of the mat anytime soon. I mean what kind of mother would I be if I threw the "magical blanket" out?

Getting all the stuff out made me VERY excited about having another infant around...crying and all. As a matter of fact, at this point, I'm fairly certain I can handle a crying infant far better than I can handle a whining toddler. I really do hope Lola is prepared though. We're working on it as much as possible. Last night she said to me"Mommy, If I'm gentle, can I touch baby brother?" I thought this was so sweet. My reply was "Of course...you can even hold him." She seems really excited and although I know we'll have our challenges, I'm confident we'll work through them...we always do I guess!

Lola in action...

Those of you who have hung out with Lola for any length of time know she not only keeps you on your toes at all times but she's also super funny. I mean...the things this child says never cease to amaze me. Like the other day we were going through Target looking for a kite (or as we like to call it - Tar-Shey), Lola all the sudden got VERY excited then she said "Oh, I see something special!" and pointed to this train toy thing. I realize this is one of those moments when you probably have to be there as it's all in the tone but Clay and I both started rolling laughing. It was such an off the wall comment. Where does a 2 yr old come up with something like this...."something special". Of course, after you laugh at her, she wants to keep you laughing so she'll continue saying the same thing over and over and it's usually not as funny the second or third or fourth time. That day she saw many "special" things at Target.

Last weekend was a big weekend for us. I like to think it was Lola's dream weekend. We went to visit our friends Ashley and Mark and their little girls, Isabel (5 1/2 yrs old) and Caroline (3 1/2 years old), down at Lake Inks. There were lots of kids there for Lo to play with. She had a blast! It was so cute seeing Lola following the little girls around like she was 5 yrs old herself. She would even come up to me and say "Mommy, I need to go potty." FYI...not a normal habit for her. Usually, I constantly have to ask her if she's ready to go to the potty and of course her answer is always "No". I assume she was doing this as she saw the older kids asking their moms the same thing. On one of the trips to the bathroom, Lola said to me "Mommy, Isabel and Caroline keep calling me a baby." I said "Well, you need to tell them you're not a baby anymore that you're a big girl." I could tell she thought about this deeply then she looked at me and said "Yea, I should do that." I wonder if she ended up telling them. If so, I would have loved to be there for that moment.

After the lake fun, we headed back to Austin and stopped for a quick cat nap (mainly for Clay as he stayed up late the night before) and then we were off to Fredericksburg for the horse races. Although I'm sure Lola didn't have a clue what to expect, she was beyond excited about the races. She talked about it non-stop the entire trip down. Horsey this and horsey that. She even started talking about the horseys pooping and then cows pooping. At one point she said "Oh, this is going to be CRAZY!!!" with so much enthusiasm in her voice I thought she was going to burst out of her seat and into the sky. Once we got there, she loved it. She chanted "Go horsey Go!" The crowd got a kick out of that. She also helped Clay choose the bets. We walked away empty handed but that's ok, it was great family fun. We can't wait to go back soon!

The horseys are coming...it's easy to see the excitement on Lo's face!

For some reason, I just loved this pic. Lo was scoping out the crowd at the park and trust me there was lots of scoping to be had....an interesting crowd to say the least!

Here are some of the other funny comments Lo has made over the past 24 hrs:

At escuela the other day, Lo's teachers asked her what she wants to name her baby brother. She told them she wanted to name him "Clementine". Makes sense I guess...it's one of her favorite fruits and she also loves the song...ol' my darling, ol' my darling, ol' my darling Clementine. So, last night I asked her again "Lo, What should we name your baby bro?" She said "Clementine" and then she said "No, no, no,no...I think we should name him Munchkin." Random to come up with such a name right?!?!?! Unfortunately, this name is not going on the list.

I flew in yesterday eve from my trip. Clay had a HH to attend so Lo and I were solo. She kept wanting me to get up to do things. This of course is becoming much more difficult these days. I finally said to her "Lo, I can't get up anymore...I'm exhausted". She replied with such a serious tone "Mommy, You're not exhausted, you're pretty!". I appreciated this very sweet comment considering "pretty" is the last thing I feel right now.

At one point later in the night I thought I heard myself from a distance. Lo was playing around with her paints in the bath while I was getting unpacked. All the sudden I heard her bust out with "Oh man! This is unbelievable!" The water had turned bright blue due to the paint and apparently she was fascinated by this. I started cracking up. The "Oh Man" part really got me as I use this term religiously. Literally, she sounded exactly like me. It was actually a little scary...the last thing we need is a mini-me on our hands....Eeek!

This morning Clay and Lo got up just before me. Clay took Lola down to take her night-time diaper off and put her big girl panties on. Obviously, he didn't put her on the toilet before doing this. Or, maybe he did...I don't know. Anyway, she cruised back upstairs where I was and took it upon herself to tinkle all over the floor/rug for no good reason. I said "Lola, Why in the world would you do such a thing? You only tinkle on the big girl potty". A couple minutes later when I was cleaning the mess up I told Lo "I'm very mad at you for tinkling on the rug." She responded by saying "No. You're not mad at me....I'm too cute!" and gave me a little smirk smile. All I could do was laugh. It was kind of true. I guess she has me figured out. Oh goodness...we have our hands full.

BTW...I never made it to my meeting in Louisiana yesterday. My flight was canceled in Memphis Wednesday night and I couldn't get a flight out early enough yesterday morning. With that, Delta paid for my hotel and I participated in the meeting via conference call from the Marriot in Memphis. So, it was basically a waste of a trip. Well, actually it wasn't. As you know, Lola has not been sleeping well lately. I have to say it was pretty awesome to be in a hotel room and get a full nights sleep even if I had to fly all the way to Memphis to make that happen. I was even able to sleep in yesterday morning. I woke up at 6:30 a.m. but then fell back to sleep until 8:00 a.m. It was wonderful! Somebody was obviously looking out for me b/c this peaceful night away was desperately needed.

Attached is a video of Lo riding her bike. Every Wed is Wheels Day at escuela. It's her favorite day of the week! She always wakes up bright eyed and bushy tailed on Wednesdays in anticipation for Wheels Day. She still needs some work but she's starting to get pretty good at this bike riding thing. I took this video a couple weeks ago but haven't had a chance to post it. You gotta love the helmet....Safety first! After last years big crash, she will not get on the bike without it. Enjoy!

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Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Rocker is on order!

I'm pretty pumped about our new rocker which is on order now and scheduled to ship out on 9/17/10. Perfect timing for the baby. I didn't have a rocker with Lola. I used the ever so handy yoga ball which actually worked great! Looking back, I don't necessarily feel I needed a rocker but it would have been a definite perk to have one. I wasn't really planning to get one for this baby either. Figured I would just give the yoga ball another go at it. However, I think Clay has been looking for an excuse to order an Eames chair for a long, long, long time. He actually did this without consulting me but I'm thrilled with the purchase.

I'm very happy to announce that I have very few things left on my baby "to do" list. I'm still waiting for the chair and pillows to be done for the nursery. Their in the works now. Once I receive those, nursery/Lo's room will be complete...check! I also stocked up on baby onsies and some cute little outfits for the bambino....check! At least enough to get us through the first month or so. These are two of my fav onsies Minishatsu - http://www.minishatsu.com/. They have some fun stuff!

I also signed up for a cloth diaper service (http://austindiapers.com/) ....check! I'm hoping having a service will make the cloth diaper thing a little easier this round. They basically deliver and pick everything up on a weekly basis. Lets see....Oh, I also signed up for a running group that starts 11/1/10...check! This will be perfect timing for me to get back into the running groove. I'm not sure I'll be ready for the Austin half marathon but I should be able to do a 10K by March and will look for a late Spring half marathon to run. Woohoo!

I still need to invest in a changing table for downstairs. I figure I can get a cheap one at Ikea. Then, we'll need to get some new bottles (all glass this round) and I also need a new play mat. I'll get all this at http://www.giggle.com/ to keep it easy. Other than that, we're all set for baby G. Yea! Oh wait...other than a name or a list of names. Hmmmm...I guess we'll need to talk about that at one point. Or, we can always save that task for the hospital...will give us something to do. I can't believe how organized I've been this round. It feels really good!

Also, I have more great news. I've switched up my vitamins and it seems it's drastically helped the way I feel both emotionally and physically (other than the pre-term labor scare last weekend but that's a whole other story). With the change, I think I'm much more pleasant to be around. I know I can deal with myself a lot easier now. It's actually been just over a week since I last shed a tear. That has not happened this entire pregnancy. What a relief! If only I would have figured this out about 7 months ago that would have been awesome. It could also be that I'm starting to see the light and just becoming more optimistic. Either way...I'll take it!

Heading of to Louisiana today...will be back late tomorrow night. My last business trip before I'm grounded for good. Hope to post some more Lola updates later this week! She has been full of funny funny comments lately.

It's 3:47 a.m. and I'm awake...

Nights haven't been so great lately. Especially when you have a screaming 2 yr old that wakes you just about every night. Then, half the time I'm unable to fall back to sleep. So here I am....typing instead of sleeping. This is my life right now....basically a ball of stress.

Lola, Lola, Lola....We're going through a rough, rough, rough phase right now. It includes lots of whining and crying and more whining which is one of the things I hate most. Well, Lola is constantly doing it lately. At this point, I don't know what to do to get her back under control. I've done my fair share of screaming at her when I reach my limit and that doesn't help anything at all! It actually makes me feel HORRIBLE after the fact. And, I've also had the sudden crying breakdowns in reaction to one of her whining fits. Again, doesn't help so much. Nothing like reacting to a whining crying child by crying. That's kind of like reacting to a kid that hits by hitting them. Not such a good parent move.

Anyway, tonight has been horrible but unfortunately nothing out of the ordinary. Lola came into our room whining at about 3:00ish... "I want some leche." That's fine, I can handle that. Then she kicks it up a gear and starts yelling/crying in this horrible whiny tone "My pillow, my pillow, my pillow." So, I try to fix her pillow "NO, only daddy fix it!" Then it's "NO, not that way, not that way...it's upside down! NO, not that way!" All of this in a mind boggling loud whiny/crying/screaming voice that is so irritating it makes you want to jump out a window. How a girl so cute can be so irritating I'll never know. Literally, took us 10 minutes to get the pillow exactly how she wanted it. Then she lays and keeps with the whining "My blanket, my blanket"....Clay tries to reach to put on the blanket and then we get a "NO, only Mommy put the blanket on me!" So I try to put on the blanket and it took at least 7 attempts to get the blanket exactly right. Princess much!?!?!? Then we try to change her diaper as it's soaked "NO, don't change my diaper!" Ok. So we all lay and try to go back to sleep until we hear the screaming whine again not even 30 seconds later "I tee-teed on Mommy & Daddy's bed! I need to go to the big girl potty!" So we're back up. I think you get the point. This goes on for a good 30 minutes...HUH!!!

Now here I am wondering what in the world to do. I feel like things have gotten completely out of control. I realize we should just ignore her but you try that at 3:00 a.m and see how that works. We'll do anything to get back to sleep. Of course, I'm not doing well with the day time whining either. I've found I reach a point where I'll do ANYTHING to get her to shut up which includes giving her a popsicle or buying her a balloon...hell, I'd buy her the Eiffel Tower just to get her to shut it sometimes. All things you shouldn't do...major NOs in addressing this issue but my nerves just aren't taking this well at all. Of course, reacting like this only makes matters worse I know. So, back to the books. We'll have to read up and figure how in the hell to get ourselves out of this phase. Lord help us...

On another note, the pregnancy hasn't gotten much better. At this point, I'm huge...and not just pregnant belly huge but huge all over. When I put my legs up on a table and pull them away there will be HUGE indention due to the fact that I'm massively swollen. Or, even if I wear something as light and airy as leggings, once I peel them off the bod (and I do have to literally peel things off myself these days) they too leave indentions. Really??? How does that happen??? And then there was the bra. We have to wear them I guess but I've developed a great disdain for them. My circulation is being cut off all day long by the lovely bra. I won't even tell you what size I'm wearing now and still by the end of the day I can't rip it off soon enough b/c I'm in such pain. I then have Clay or Lola scratch my back to help relieve the pain. I actually have a permanent indention at this point. Really and truly...permanent! There is no exaggeration involved in these statements...I promise! Basically nothing fits and I still have 2 months to go. I want to be in a dress and/or shorts/tanks at all time but I hate to expose my legs and arms. As a matter of fact, as of last night, I've decided I'm officially banned from wearing tank tops, sleeveless, etc in public. Yep, it's just that bad.

In summary, I'm not a cute pregnant woman AT ALL. I'm a walking puff ball. I mean the other morning when I was putting on my jeans (despite the fact that it's going to be 99 degrees and 99% humidity), it took me like 3 minutes to work up the energy to pull them up as it takes so much effort to just get them onto this bod. Not even kidding. Lola said "Mommy, what's wrong?" I had to explain to her that it is VERY difficult for Mommy to get my jeans over my booty. I would have used the term "fat booty" but I try not to use terms such of this in front of her as I don't want her to grow up with self image issues. I mean at this point putting on panties is even difficult. Goodness!

Lets see...what else....I can only wear ugly flip flops. That's it! Ugly, horrible flip flops 24/7. I had to eliminate the shoes with buckles a while back as it became too hard to position my body in such a way to get them buckled. Once I got to the point where it was taking me 15 minutes just to put on shoes, I decided it was time to move on. But no fear...I was resourceful and found some cute new sandals with zippers in the back. Much easier to manage and get on. Now, well, my feet will barely squish in those anymore. When I do get them squished in, it's pure misery!

Here's the worse part of it...all of this I've just described is not something that only occurs in the evenings after a long day. I wake up with this puffiness now. Yep, 24/7 puffiness...not fun! I hope to goodness a good bit of this is water weight....if not, we're in trouble. Also, I now can't wear my wedding band and I constantly feel like my eyes are squinting due to my face being a puff ball. On top of this, every step I take is excruciating as the baby is apparently sitting on my bladder just perfectly. So, each step I feel my bladder squish and it hurts bad. The same thing happens with each baby kick, my bladder feels it more than anything and I just cringe while trying not to pee in my panties. Nice. Last week I told Clay I wish I could just live on the toilet for the next two months. It certainly would save me a lot of time and the energy of getting up and down from the toilet. Oh and I almost forgot the best part of all....last night I discovered crater style stretch marks. NOOOOO!!! What am I going to do??? I have only gained 2 lbs since my last doc visit. Did these 2 lbs really cause these stretch marks to appear???? If so, what in the world is going to happen over the next 2 months as the lbs continue to pile on???? They say you gain 1 lb per week so an additional 8 lbs is going to equate into a lot of stretch marks I would assume. Right???? Literally, on a daily basis I feel the bod gets worse and worse. I'm scared to wake up anymore. At this point, the way things are going, I'm fairly certain by the end of this pregnancy I'll be one of those women who is so swollen my eyes will be little slits. Only 2 months to go...I can do it....

After all the complaining this morning (very early morning), I guess I should end the blog on a happy note. Happy note #1 - it's cooling down this weekend...YEA! Maybe this will help my swelling a bit. Bad news is we're going to the lake to visit some friends which translates into bathing suit...YIKES! Happy note #2 - Pics of the adorable Lola and Curry. Two cute babies can always make you a happy camper right?!?!? As you can tell from the pics, it's VERY hard to capture a good picture with a toddler and a 6 month old. Especially when you have a toddler that refuses to smile for the camera...what's that all about anyway???

We worked hard to get a good pic but this is the best we could get!

In order to get that one Ok shot of the two cousins above, we went through this...Curry falling and Lola trying to help by aggressively pulling her arm.

More pulling...

The not so gentle hug...

We thought we'd move the photo shoot outside in an attempt to capture a perfect picture. This is what I get when I asked Lola to smile....a puffy lip. Nice! Do you think she's being bratty????

And then we get this....a lovely toddler fit. Why Lola Why? At this point, I made an executive decision to abandon the photo shoot. I guess there is something to a professional photographer.

Trying something new....

Today is a new day and it has actually started out pretty good. With the new and improved day, I thought I would try a new and improved blog design. I'm still working on it but thought I'd give this layout a try for a day or two and see where it goes. Who knows....you may come back tomorrow and it will be bright yellow. We'll see what it turns out looking like but I thought it was a good time for a change.

I woke up today and went to workout first thing this morning. At at about 5:15 a.m. I almost talked myself out of it as I was sooooo exhausted due to the lack of sleep from either getting up every hour to tinkle or the excruciating hip pains I constantly feel throughout the night or the fact that you can't just turn over in a light and airy fashion but you basically have to sit up and then turn, only to feel like an elephant when shifting the load and after you completed the simple task of changing sides you're basically wide awake as it took so much dang energy or the charley horse cramps I get every time I move my legs or the massive indigestion that I constantly feel when I'm in a horizontal position or the fact that Lola has been coming in our room every night around 3:00ish which basically means there are 5 of us in an uncomfortable queen bed (me, the baby in the belly, Clay, Lola and Lady Bird of course). Anyway, my list could go on and on. What boils down to is I'm not getting any sleep. Oh....I remember this from before. The fun of the 3rd trimester!!!

Speaking of....I'm officially in the 3rd trimester. YEA!!! Does that mean I'll see the light soon?!?!?! I certainly do hope so. I went in for my doc appt today after the workout. GREAT NEWS...I only gained 1 lb this past month. Boy, how it makes a difference in my attitude to come out of the doctor only 1 lb heavier vs. last month when I came out 9 lbs heavier. The difference....well, lets see....last month I could barely breath after they took my weight and couldn't hold my composure at all. I even wept in front of my doctor. All along I just couldn't wait to get to the car so I could let it all go. And, when I got to the car I did just that....cried hysterically to the point where I couldn't even speak or breath and everything has gone downhill ever since.

I was most frustrated b/c I continued to eat healthy (or should I say semi-healthy as I do have many slip ups) and workout so how in the world could I have gained so much weight???? At that point, I had no clue how I was going to survive this pregnancy. It was questionable if I actually would survive it. Anyway, my doc and my sister-in-law, Molly, talked me off the ledge. Now, today....ooohhhh so much better! Only 1 lb heavier so this means my exercise and watching calories is possibly paying off! I'm not sure I could have handled another big weight gain month. Even with the 1 lb gain this month, I've calculated everything out obsessively and I will have A LOT of work ahead of me once this baby is born but I can do it. I'm very bull-headed...I know I can do it. I just have to get that drive going. I plan to start training for another half marathon just after the baby boy (aka - Geranimo) gets here so hopefully that will get me in shape quick.

Of course, anymore it seems good news is always followed with some bad news. The circumstances were no different today. Although my weight gain seems to be in order, it appears my blood levels have dropped drastically over the past month and I've been diagnosed with anemia. What does this mean??? I don't know. But, the doctor says it certainly does explain the horrible exhaustion I've felt over the past week or so. She said the baby is basically sucking all the nutrition out of me. This is good b/c it means the baby is getting nutrition but it's also bad b/c it means there is no nutrition left for me which translates into no energy. So, I have a prescription and have to start taking more iron and some other stuff. It's nothing serious but just another thing to deal with. At any rate, I'm glad there was a reason for my exhaustion and maybe I can get some energy back once I start taking the additional vitamins.

Now to the weekend. We had a good one. Very relaxing and got stuff done which is good. I was out of my element. I actually stayed home and didn't do much. This is VERY unlike me. I typically have to be constantly blowin' and goin'. Of course, now that I found out my blood count is down and I'm anemic, it all makes sense why I was out of my element. Even though we stayed in most of the weekend (avoiding the heat), we did get a lot done around the house. I finished getting Lola's room and the nursery organized and got the closets cleaned out. We still have tons to do but we're making some headway. BTW.....baby bed...I'm having custom bedding made. This is the bumper fabric which I'm having lined with orange cording:

And this is the skirt.

The sheet is also custom and it will be different shades of orange polka dots. I think it will be real cute. I'm then throwing in some other adorable prints for the chair, pillows, etc. I CAN'T WAIT for it to all be done. Should all come together within the next month or so I hope. Woohoo!!!

Anyhow, back to the weekend. With the downtime, Lola just trotted around the house and had a good ol' time. One of the things she loves is to put on her "dancing skirt" and "dance fast". I'm not sure why she says "dance fast" but this is her new thing. Of course, she never will "dance fast" by herself. Either Clay or I always have to be up and at em' with her. It was much harder for me due to my energy level but somehow I still toughed it out. Since I'm such an awesome dancer myself, I tried to teach Lo some new moves other than just moving her legs really fast and stomping around (aka - dancing fast). I tried to teach her to shake her booty and wave her hands in the air and some other technically challenging dance moves. I have to say she catches on pretty quick and has some groove. Attached are some pics from our very adventurous Saturday at home:

"Dancing fast" in her "dancing skirt". This went on for a couple hours.

Lovin' her new hat!

Riding her new vintage horsey that I got on the side of the road for $15. What a steal!!! Best deal of the year. I mean seriously...how awesome is this horse??? Pretty much old school all the way! Since we've had the horse at our house, we've had people tell us they had seen it in different areas on South Congress the weeks prior. Apparently this guy hauled this thing everywhere. Rumor has it that the night before we purchased it, the horse was at Continental Club and some intoxicated folk had a wild ride on this little guy. I'm glad it finally found a good home. Lola loves it too!

And, nothing like ending the night with some reading. Lola has always loved reading but right now she is obsessed with it! Literally, if she could do it all day every day she would. Although reading is beyond great, Clay and I don't have it in us to read the same books over and over and over. Sometimes we have to promote other activities such as lying still and doing nothing...that never works of course.

BTW...who has the buddha belly now??? Lola's is gone and mine is growing (along with other things but we won't talk about that now...ugh)!!!!

Hello again!

I know everyone is tired of pulling up the blog only to see Creepy again. Frankly, I'm tired of thinking about Creepy being the last blog I posted. It's been so long! Lately, I haven't been able to find the time or energy or the will for that matter to get a blog posted. I don't want to go on and on with my complaints and sorrow stories but I think I will anyway....

It pretty much all boils down to pregnancy (imagine that). I still hate it more than you could ever imagine. I now fear that I've lost myself completely in this pregnancy. Will I ever be back to normal? Will I get my body back? Will I ever be truly happy again? Has this pregnancy sucked everything out of me? Who am I anyway? I know this all seems a little melodramatic but I really don't know the answers to those questions as I feel like I'm constantly walking around like a zombie and when I think about pregnancy I just cry. Of course, it's hard not to think about pregnancy every waking minute of the day when I'm carrying a huge load that reminds me of it constantly....30 lbs worth exactly...ugh. I try to maintain some sort of happiness cover for Lola and Clay. Just because I'm miserable doesn't mean I have to make them miserable too. Of course, I'm not sure I'm succeeding in this area with Clay. I think he's pretty much miserable too. He told me the other day that he isn't going to listen to it anymore in a VERY stern manner. Naturally, I cried! I'm still very perplexed by those people who love being pregnant! I wish I were one of those people....I really do.

Now, to make matters worse, the second thing I hate most after pregnancy are birthdays. Today, I have the honor of not only being 7 months pregnant but it's also my birthday. UGH! A VERY depressing combination. For those of you who have tried to contact me to give me Happy Birthday wishes..."Thank You" and please don't be offended when I don't respond. I have a hard time functioning on my birthday. I'm not sure why! I'm 34. Old but not too old I guess. I don't think it's the age that gets me. I'm not sure what it is. However, whatever it is...I don't like it and I typically stay to myself...and cry of course.

Yes, I've now spent the past 7 months feeling sorry for myself for being pregnant and miserable. The thing is most everyone goes through pregnancy at one point and they don't whine and cry the whole time. I didn't with Lola. Although I didn't love it, I embraced it somewhat and was a happy pregnant woman. As I've tried to explain to Clay, I'm not intentionally trying to make myself feel this way. I just can't help it...literally! I actually don't even know why I hate it so much. I now have less than 3 months to go. As of now my delivery date is August 30th. Surely I can make it. I keep hoping it will get better soon and I'll see the light at the end of the tunnel but I don't. WHERE IS THAT DANG LIGHT?????????????? So for now, I'll just keep truckin' along and hope time will starting flying by at one point. In the meantime, I long to have my body back (Will it come back???), I long to be able to run again, I long to have an adult beverage, I long to drink a diet coke or coke guilt free, I long to be able to sleep on my back again, I long to have my sense of sanity back and I long to finally hold that baby in my arms vs my stomach.

Enough about me...now on to Miss Lola. This girl continues to keep us going. Right now she's not feeling quite right so I think I'm going to take her to the doctor this afternoon. She's not eating and we've had several sleepless nights. But, during the day she seems to feel great so I don't know. I figure I may as well go ahead and eliminate a potential ear ache prior to going into the weekend.

I'll have to catch you up on all of Lola's new doings shortly. One thing that she's been doing lately that kind of drives me loony is she actually has an opinion about what she wears. She wants to pick out her own outfits. On one hand I love it b/c it's a way for her to express her independence and ability to make decisions and her love for fashion of course but on the other hand I like to pick out her outfits every day. I'm very particular about what I put on her and I like everything to be perfect from head to toe. When she insist on wearing bright turquoise flip flops over her little yellow flats with a certain outfit, it makes me somewhat frustrated. But I finally give in as you can't argue with a 2 yr old (I learned this lesson the hard way). I went on a shopping spree for Lo the other day...it was accidental. I intended to buy nothing and came out with more than nothing...oops. Anyway, that's beside the point. I bought her this adorable jumper:

And, this adorable skirt:

Which I though would be adorable with this little Boston Terrier tee:

Well, Lola wouldn't go for it. She ABSOLUTELY refused! She wanted to wear the jumper with the skirt with her bright turquoise flip flops with rhinestones (yes, rhinestones!) that I hate with a passion. On top of that, she wouldn't let me put her stringy hair up in cute little pig tails. So, here's how this potentially adorable outfit turned out.

Still adorable b/c it was her creation but I REALLY wanted her to wear it in a slightly different way. She's very strong willed and a bit hard headed. This is all part of what makes having a 2 yr old fun. Never lacks entertainment.

We did move her big girl room and started working on the nursery. It is all coming together really well and it is going to be so cute! Can't wait to post pics of it. Lola is CONSTANTLY talking about her baby brother. The other day when we were at Target she said "Mama (this is her new name for me), we have to get baby brother a pacifier". So we did. She's always very concerned about baby brother. She'll ask me "Mama, Is baby brother crying in your belly?" and has other interesting questions to go along with this one. We've been trying to show her lots of baby pictures of herself to hopefully help her understand more. I think she is starting to get it...at least as much as a 2 yr old can get it. It is pretty complex!

Anyway, I'm off to hide from the world. I figure the best way to do this is to go to a movie. I'm going to see Sex and the City 2 even though the reviews are horrible. I'm also going to treat myself with a large Sonic Coke vs. the medium. Yes, I've continued drinking 1 serving of caffeine a day with this pregnancy. Brana, my sister-in-law, had at least one big gulp a day (if not more) and Curry is not only perfectly fine but she is full of personality, is very advanced and very smart. So, maybe there's something to this caffeine thing. I can't deprive myself of everything. AND, my doc said one serving a day is fine. That little rant was mainly to convince myself it's ok...moving on....

Everyone have a good weekend.